“This is small.”

ok, let the “TWSS” comments fly on this one! Bear with me, though, as this post IS safe for work. And perhaps the dinner table…

This morning I woke up late for work. Not just late, but LAAAAATE for work. I’m supposed to be at this job at 0445 to open the gym, turn on the lights, greet members, etc. I WOKE UP at 5:15. I live 10 ish minutes away from the gym. COULD BE FIVE, but the cops have a very nice speed trap set up in the middle there, and, well, I really can’t afford a run in with the PO PO.
cartman As I’m driving down the road dancing with the speed limit, these thoughs hit by brain head-on: Here i am, 44 years old, and can’t even set my alarms properly. I’m going to lose this job, and then eventually everything else that matters to me because clearly i can’t get my sh!t together
I carried those thoughts with me into the gym, and they clouded my ability to log onto the computer efficiently, I fumbled while getting peoples’ cards checked in, and even had a tough time making eye contact with people as they left the facility. One of the lifeguards also has access to the building, so he was able to let members in at 5 (thank you, Tony!). They’d just left their cards on the counter and gone to their classes or whatnot. A few of them asked me if things were ok, and I told them honestly that I had overslept and that I was very sorry to have inconvenienced them. Who needs THAT confusion right before a workout, right?
Most of the members were very understanding and forgiving, saying things like, “we’ve all done it” or “it really wasn’t a problem”. Those things were nice to hear, but didn’t really change the flood of negativity going on in my mind. My external mood was a bit down from where it usually is, and others coming in noticed. When I caught myself not being as cheery as usual, I tried to play it off. One member, I’ll call her Betty (it ISN’T her name, i swear) asked me why I was upset. I told her what had happened, and she said, “hey, it’s ok. move forward.” Betty is one of my favourites at the gym. She’s in her late 50’s, but doesn’t seem it. She seems a decade younger. Presently training hard for Big Sur, she’s there every day that I’ve been there, either in boot camp, spin, master’s swim, or running on the ‘mill. She’s focused, but open enough to stop in the lobby and have conversations with other members or staff.
Today, about half way through her time there, she came out into the lobby and approached me at the desk. She kindly said, “You know, Gene, I’ve been coming here almost every day since they opened their doors. You are not the first person to come in late. You won’t be the last person to come in late. It’s ok. Let it go. This is small.
And she’s right. Thank you, ‘Betty’.

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