Sticks and Stones

Cairns on Mt. Cardigan, NH

Growing up we had a saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me.” And you know what? We believed that shit. Why? Because so did everyone else. Say it enough times to someone who was picking on you and they stopped. You won. Very little physical fighting, certainly no cutting/suicide attempts, etc. At least in my neck of the woods.
Why so different now? I think because people stopped believing it and started to give words too much weight.
Back then, if you got called ‘fat’, ‘geek’, ‘nerd’, etc., you were pretty much able to stop that from happening again by:
1) saying, “no i’m not” and then playing the “are too!” “am not!” game for a few rounds
2) saying, “i’m made of rubber and you’re made of glue. whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!” ew. who would want THAT? nobody.
3) trying out your best PeeWee Herman voice, “I know you are, but what am I?”
4) walking AWAY
5) (and perhaps my favourite) titty twister. (for the record, i don’t condone this action. try 1-4 FIRST, repeatedly if you have to. If that fails, move on to number 5).

But this isn’t about that. Looking to add some weight and stuff to your walks? Grab some sticks! Get some stones! Seriously. And I don’t mean twigs. Sticks.
Like fence posts, or a 2×4, or a 4×4 or some limb that blew down in the last storm. Trim the branches of and lug it around. Yes, it will be awkwardly sized and shaped. That’s the point. Using it as weight on your shoulder(s) or carried in front of you engages MANY more musles than simply doing squats or lunges with a balanced set of dumbells or a barbell.
Want to make it really awkward? Take that log to the mall on a rainy day. (just kidding. I don’t condone that, either….but holy cow wouldn’t that be FUNNY to see?)
If you don’t live where there are rocks that you can reasonably carry, go to your local home improvement store and get a cinder block. My local national chain has them for less than 2 bucks each. Instead of buying your kid a creemee a coffee tomorrow, spend that $$ on a cinder block. Lug it around with you while you do yard work. Sit on it while you weed the garden, then lug it to the other side of the yard. Lather, rinse, repeat. Use the cinderblock as a cheap kettle bell. Too heavy for now? Done right, you can break it in half. One half should remain as a block, the others will be sharp chunks of concrete you can use to chuck at kids who keep calling you names in the bottom of a flower pot to help with drainage.

1 Comment

  1. I had forgotten the “I know you are but what am I” from Pee Wee Herman. I definitely said that but truly I did more of the walking away crying.
    PS Good tips on using the things around us for exercise

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